February 14, 2009

It has officially been an entire week since the boys have slept in their contraptions! This is nap OR nighttime! They are in their beds now and doing GREAT and *we* feel like it's a major accomplishment! Evan does still whine when we put him down at times, but it's minor.

Alec has also started sleeping through the night since we moved him to his bed. We think he is getting more solid, restful sleep in his bed, which is so great! On the flipside, Evan slept through the night in his bed the first 3 nights or so, and now wakes up once. We do feed him and he goes back to sleep relatively quickly. So...who knows if he's hungry, or just "playing the system" if you will. But either way...he's doing great. It just seems that if it's not one, it's the other, and we likely will be up at least once a night until they're 93 years old. Hahahaha.

In other news, my surgery has been scheduled, and it's quickly approaching. It's scheduled for Monday February 23, as in one week away. The scheduler was very nice and told me that we could do it whenever I wanted, but she did have the 23 as the first available. Curt was game, and well, I just want to get it over with, so that's when it'll be. I am very anxious. Anxious about work...will I get everything done and in place prior to leaving in one week? Anxious abut the pain...will it hurt terribly? Anxious that I will be looped up and not able to help. And Anxious that Curt will have to carry the entire load of the house for a while. THAT makes me feel HORRIBLE. My heart aches with guilt thinking about it. They tell me that 'll be on pain killers for a period of time, and they make you quite tired, so here I'll be sleeping away as Curt runs his tail off taking care of the house and the kids. Sigh.

I do think that we are going to need some help. I am no good at asking for it though, and neither is Curt. Curt likes to think that he CAN do it all himself, so no need to ask for help. And he is right. He absolutely CAN do it himself, but the bottom line is, it'll get very tiring, very quickly. We truly hardly have one moment to relax, and if he works all day, picks up the kids (at two different spots), gets home, tries to settle the boys (this is their FUSSIEST, hardest time is between 5:30-8 pm) all while juggling making dinner and helping Olivia settle in and not mangle her baby brothers, then getting babies to bed and Liv to bed, perhaps with a bath sprinkled in there. Yes, that is just "life" but to do it all by yourself, with no reprieve in sight (plus all the night wakings by yourself)...well....it's surely overwhelming for anyone. Oh, and in that first week, he'll probably also be taking care of me :( Getting things for me, helping me up, etc. Until I can manage, he'll have 4 kids..hahahaha.

And, the other piece of it is, if there is some help (physical help with people coming over on occasion or meals or something), *I* will not feel as guilty. I have terrible guilt already, just THINKING about it. EVERYTHING will fall on Curt until I am well enough to get up and around. Then I can help with meals and stuff, but not lifting babies. I just don't feel good about it. Of course it is something that I NEED to do, but still. I am nervous. I just might swollow it and ask family for some help if they're able.

Then there's money. 3 more weeks off of work. I am not real sure if I can cover all those weeks with paid time. Our accounts are already swaying pretty low after my 4 month leave. I know we'll be fine...but one more thing to worry about.

The other thing to update about that is up and coming is a Birth to Three Evaluation on Alec. I am concerned about his head and neck control, and his constant back arching. So, I am having an eval done on him just to see if there is anything concerning or that we should be doing to help him out. We don't have an appointment for this as of yet, and I will update more as we know more.

So...please pray for a wonderful, healthy outcome to the surgery. Please pray that Curt has the strength he needs to carry such a huge load. Please pray that the pain in manageable, and that my guilt diminishes. And pray for our kids to continue to thrive and do wonderfully, dispite their momma's inability to care for them.