Praying for a Tiny Miracle: February 8, 2007

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

February 8, 2007

So...yesterday was extremely hard. My chart looked GREAT. Showed all of the classic signs and I was super hopeful this was going to be it! After I started spotting at work, I knew it wasn't. It was a big blow. Having to be so methodical about every last thing, timing, charging, OPKs...it's draining. Physically and emotionally. The thought of doing it every dang month It's really not even so much doing it, but wondering IF it'll work. Not wondering WHEN, wondering IF. There are certainly no guaruntees. TTC with this condition is brutal. You just never know.So, I cancelled my last appointment and went home. Vented to you all. It helped.My temperature went WAY down this morning, which means AF will show today or tomorrow. Fine. I've accepted it. But I wish she wouldn't fuck with me. Just come already so I can move on to our next cycle. It's as if FIRST I need to mourn the lost cycle, THEN I'm energized to try again. The limbo shit is a pain.I'll update my chart as soon as AF arrives. Bitch.

No comments:

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Twins' Weights

5/6/09: Alec: 16lb 12 oz Evan- 18lb 3oz
4/22/09: Alec: 16lb 4.5 oz Evan- 17lb 9oz
4/11/09: Alec: 15lb 11.6 oz Evan- 17lb 2oz
3/2/09: Alec: 14lbs Evan- 15lb 8.4oz Olivia- 41.6 lb/41 lb 9.6 oz :)
2/17/09: Alec: 13lb 10.6 oz Evan- 15lb 2 oz
2/12/09: Alec: 13lb 6 oz Evan- 14 lb 12 oz
2/5/09: Alec: 12lb 15.8 oz Evan- 14lb 5 oz
1/31/09: Alec: 12lb 9.5 oz Evan- 13lb 15.78 oz
1/26/09: Alec: 12lb 6 oz Evan- 13lb 14 oz
1/16/09: Alec: 11lb 15 oz Evan- 13 lb 5.4 0z
1/10/08: Alec- 11lb 10 oz Evan- 13 lb 1.22 oz
1/7/09: Alec- 11lb 9.5 oz Evan- 13 lb 1.57 oz
1/5/09: Alec- 11lb 8.7 oz Evan- 13 lb .77 oz
12/29/08: Alec- 11lb Evan- 12lb 12.6 oz
12/22/08: Alec- 10lb 10.9 oz Evan- 12lb 7.5 oz
12/17/08: Alec- 10lb 7.1 oz Evan- 12lb 4.32 oz
12/12/08: Alec- 10lb 2.56 oz Evan- 12lb 1.95 oz
12/8/08: Alec- 9lb 14.78 oz Evan- 11lb 14.24 oz
12/2/08: Alec- 9lb 5.76 oz Evan- 11lb 7 oz
11/30/08: Alec- 9lb 3.94 oz Evan- 11lb 1.89 oz
11/28/08: Alec- 9lb 2.4 oz Evan- 10lb 14.7oz
11/26/08: Alec- 8lb 14.85 oz Evan- 10lb 11.9 oz
11/23/08: Alec 8lb 11.97 oz Evan- 10lb 9.4 oz
11/21/08: Alec- 8lb 8.58 oz Evan- 10lb 6.88 oz
11/18/08: Alec- 8lb 5oz Evan- 10lb 2 oz
11/16/08: Alec- 8lb 1.34 oz Evan- 10lb 1.25 oz
11/13/08: Alec- 7lb 12.13 oz Evan- 9lb 12.9oz
11/11/08: Alec- 7lb 8.26 oz Evan- 9lb 9.47oz
11/9/08: Alec 7lb 4.83 oz Evan- 9lb 8 oz
11/7/08: Alec- 7lb 1.1 oz Evan- 9lb 4.5 oz
11/5/08: Alec- 6lb 13.9 oz Evan- 9lb 2.8 oz
11/3/08: Alec- 6lb 9.5 oz Evan- 8lb 14 oz
10/21/08: Alec- 5lb 12 oz Evan- 7lb 7 oz
10/16/08: Alec- 5lb 6 oz Evan- 6lb 12 oz
10/13/08: Alec- 4lb 14 oz Evan- 6lb 9 oz
10/9/08: Alec- 4lb 9.4 oz Evan- 6lb 2.7 oz
10/8/08: Alec- 4lb 8.8oz Evan- 6lb 2.6 oz
10/7/08: Alec- 4lb 6.6oz Evan- 5lb 15.8
10/6/08: Alec- 4lb 5.8oz Evan 5lb 14.9 oz
10/5/08: Alec- 4lb 4.5 oz Evan- 5lb 13.8 oz
10/4/08: Alec- 4lb 4 oz Evan- 5lb 12.5 oz
10/3/08: Alec- 4 lb 3.2 oz Evan 5lb 11.6 oz
10/2/08: Alec- 4lb 3 oz Evan- 5lb 11.4 oz
10/1/08: Alec- 4lb 4.5 oz Evan- 5lb 11.8 oz
9/30/08: Alec- 4 lb 5.3 oz Evan- 5lb 12.8 oz
9/29/08: Alec- 4lb 3 oz Evan- 5lb 12.5 oz
9/28/08: Alec- 4lb 2.8 oz Evan- 5lb 14.2 oz
9/27/08: Alec- 4lb 2.5 oz Evan- 5lb 13.3 oz
9/26/08: Alec- 4lb 1 oz Evan- 5lb 10 oz
9/25/08: Alec- 4lb 1 oz Evan- 5lb 8 oz
9/24/08: Alec- 4lb 1 oz Evan- 5lb 5.7 oz
9/23/08: Alec- 3lb 15.9 oz Evan- 5lb 1.9 oz
9/22/08: Alec- 4lb 0.4 oz Evan- 5lb 0.1 oz
9/21/08: Alec- 3lb 15.8 oz Evan- 4lb 12.5 oz
9/20/08: Alec- 3lb 14.6 oz Evan- 4lb 11.5 oz
9/19/08: Alec- 3lb 13.8 oz Evan- 4lb 9.8 oz
9/18/08: Alec- 3lb 12.8 oz Evan- 4lb 7.4 oz
9/8/08: (Birth weight): Alec- 3lb 9 oz Evan- 4lb 10.6 oz

Twins NICU at a Glance

October 9, 2008 (Day 32)- The boys came home today. We are so blessed!
October 8, 2008 (Day 31)- Both boys circumsized today, and doing well. Both eat their normal amounts, and the doctor tells us they can come home tomorrow. Our hearts are full of love. Evan will come home in his carseat, Alec in a carbed because he's a peanut.
October 7, 2008 (Day 30)- Alec is on the 24 calorie formula fortified in my breastmilk, and is doing great! Eating like a champ! Evan will stay on straight breastmilk for now, and see if he can maintain his growth! Boys will likely be circumcised tomorrow! If they can continue to eat and gain weight, there is the possiblity that they MAY come home at the end of the week. BEHAVE boys!!!!!!!
October 6, 2008 (Day 29)- Alec is moved from 22 calorie breastmilk/fortifier to 24 calorie. Trying to boost him onto the charts (he's below the 1 percentile). He's tolerating it well, taking all 50 cc. They'll bump him up to 55 cc. The doctor attempted to fortify Evan's breastmilk with EnfaCare today. He didn't tolerate it well- puked and was sore/sad tummy. It again took only two feeds. The nurse today talked with us about carseats, circumcision, and shots...all things they begin to talk about closer to going home time. Yay!
October 5, 2008 (Day 28)- Alec is out of the isolette. He's tolerating the Enfacare, fortification. He is also taking all of his feeds by mouth, and sometimes more! Evan pulled his feeding tube out last night, and has taken all feeds by MOUTH for a full 24 hours! Great work buddy!!! Evan's milk is still not fortified, and is doing GREAT. Mommy will talk with his neonatologist about whether he MUST be fortified. Both boys gained weight today, and have grown in length and head circumference.
Oct. 4, 2008 (Day 27)- Alec's temps have been sassy...cold on his back and hot on his tummy. They're working out a system of wrapping him more tighly on his back, and this has been working. Alec is tolerating his fortification thus far...cautiously optimistic. Alec eats all his feeds by mouth and wants more! Evan has been nippling nearly ALL his feedings as well today! Both boys gained weight!
Oct. 3, 2008 (Day 26)- Alec is in the isolette and doing well! Temps are holding steady and he's happy (well he was happy in the crib too, but now he's warm!). Alec is eating like a CHAMP. All feedings by mouth! Alec starts fortification again tomorrow, on the other brand...Enfamil's preemie formula Enfacare. If he does well on it for a day or two, they'll start Evan on it too. Evan has bigger, more severe reactions to things, so they'll try Alec on it first.
Oct. 2, 2008 (Day 25)- Alec's temps are borderline, so they put him back into an isolette to allow his body to hold onto every calorie it can (babies burn calories trying to stay warm). Alec is nipping all his feeds..pulled his G-Tube out yesterday and has not needed it back in so far. Evan is nippling more and more. He's still a bit inconsistent, and is working on building his endurance to take it all ;) Both boys gained 6 grams today...not much!
Oct. 1, 2008 (Day 24)- Evan is nippling more and more! He's showing great cues, and even wakes before his feedings sometimes!!! He took one full bottle today, which was GREAT news! Alec had some trouble with his temperature today, but it normalized. Both boys lost weight again today :(
Sept. 30, 2008 (Day 23)- Both boys seem better today! Both are taking good chunks of their bottles, although somewhat inconsistenly. We had a big talk with the doctor today who believes that they both may have a true milk protein intolerance. For now, we will back off the fortifier, but my diet can remain as is. The boys are on breastmilk only today.
Sept. 29, 2008 (Day 22)- Evan had 5 substantial spit ups in an hour today, and needed to be suctioned out several times. They started to fortify both Alec and Evan's breastmilk today. Later in the day Alec had some high residuals today, so they ended up taking both boys off the fortifier for now. Doctor also asked that I not eat milk as a part of my diet (milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream). Alec still on every 2 hour feedings. Alec's G-Tube needed to be put back in as he got too sleepy to take all feeds by mouth today.
Sept. 28, 2008 (Day 21)- Alec continues to take his feeds by mouth and has not had to have his feeding tube put back in yet! Amazing little guy! They're fortifying both Alec and Evan's breastmilk now to help beef them up (especially Alec). Evan had his PICC line taken out! No more TPN/IV nutrition! He lost some weight, likely his water weight, which he was retaining, first in his hand, then his feet/legs. He looks very good today!!!
Sept. 27, 2008 (Day 20)- Evan is up to 32 oz of breastmilk! He's gaining weight like a champ! They are tapering him off his TPN today, and he will likely be off TPN in 1-2 days. Evan has taken a very small amount today by bottle, which is a start! Alec is eating a TON. He is allowed to eat as much as he wants, and on several occasions he has taken 10-12 ccs MORE than his minumum! BOTH boys were moved to the other side of the room today, which is where they go in transition!
Sept. 26, 2008 (Day 19)- Evan is up to 26 cc of breastmilk and is tolerating his feeds well! Little to no residuals! As his feeds go up in volume, his TPN gets turned down, which is great! His hand was lookingmuch better today, so that's good. Evan is gaining weight like a champ! Alec continues to take his bottles every two hours by mouth. He's doing VERY well. Momma got to practice breastfeeding him tonight, but Alec doesn't "get" it yet. Doctor plans to keep Alec on feeds every 2 hours for a week or so, and in a day or two add fortification to Alec's breastmilk to beef him up. He is not gaining much weight at this point...little rascal. His sugar counts have been good.
Sept. 25, 2008 (Day 18)- Evan is back to eating. At 11:00 he was taking 16 cc. They will go up 2 cc every 3 hours. He is a bit puffy, perhaps because of the low protein. The doctor was not too concerned. His right hand swelled in the afternoon, and causes are not known right now. Alec is up to full feeds, but they have changed him to an every 2 hour schedule. He has nippled ALL of his last 5 feeds! His blood sugars have been good, holding at 60 or so with the new 2 hour schedule! Good boy!!!
Sept. 24, 2008 (Day 17)- Evan had some pukies today. Could have been just gas and tummy ache, but to be safe they took him off feeds for two feeds, and will start him back up slowly at 10 cc. He's got some puffiness and needs more protein from what the doctor said. Alec is doing great, and is taking his feeds from a bottle and takes about half of it! Daddy got to give him a bath today!
Sept. 23, 2008 (Day 16)- Evan is up to 15 cc feeds and is tolerating them well, no blood in his poop...so far so good! Alec has had some residuals today, and the doctor (not OUR doctor, the other neonatologist) okayed 20 cc of residuals. Mommy doens' t love that. Both boys still in open cribs and holding their own there.
Sept. 22, 2008 (Day 15)- Both boys moved to open cribs tonight! Wow! Evan starts feeds again...slowly at 3 cc, then 6, then 9. So far so good! Evan's brady's have been better today. Alec's IV is out, but blood sugar has been low/borderline. They're watching it. Both boys try to nipple, but wear out quickly.
Sept. 21, 2008 (Day 14)- Evan is still HUNGRY! He gets to eat TOMORROW! Mom is nervous about how he'll tolerate it! His IV antibiotics will also be discontinued tomorrow as well. Evan had several more brady's last night. They think it was positional and will watch it further. Alec will have his IV removed tomorrow! He is beginning to "nipple" (aka- eat from a bottle).
Sept. 20, 2008 (Day 13)- Evan is HUNGRY! Alec is off his TPN and has a peripheral IV for clear fluids. Likely he'll have it only for a day or two! Both boys weights are going up!
Sept. 19, 2008 (Day 12)- No more X-Rays for Evan. He's doing well! He is acting hungry, which is great! Alec is up to nearly 21 cc of breastmilk! The doctor talked of discontinuing his TPN tomorrow or Sunday. No more blood in Alec's stool thank the Lord. They will be increasing Alec's feedings 1 cc every other feed instead of 1 cc every shift.
Sept. 18, 2008 (Day 11)- Evan's X-Ray is NORMAL! No more ordered! Suction tube is out. He seems more comfortable today. A couple brady episodes today. Alec had minor blood in his stool today that they believe is related to his suppositories. They will watch it closely. Alec is up to 3 lb 12.8 oz.
Sept. 17, 2008 (Day 10)- Evan's X-rays look "about the same". Still some dialation. Active suction to his stomach turned off, tube still there, using gravity only. Could have this tube out in a day or two. PIC line put in his leg. Evan very irritable today. Evan off oxygen! Evan had a brady today. Alec tries to BF. Alec takes nearly all his bottle for Momma today.
Sept. 16, 2008 (Day 9)- Evan is doing MUCH better today. The X-Rays look MUCH better, and his labs are great. We continue to put our faith in God and pray that he will make a full recovery. He will continue treatment for NEC just in case- 7-10 full days of gut rest and antibiotics. Alec is doing great! He's tolerating feeds well again and they'll increase his feeds 1 cc per shift. He's also started taking BOTTLES!!! Mommy got to feed him tonight and he took ALL 10 cc's!!! The boys have also taken intermittantly to pacifiers!
Sept. 15, 2008 (Day 8)- Mommy gets a call at 10:30 am from the doctor. Evan very possibly may have NEC. Evan is X-Rayed 4 times today. First two show possible necrosis, third shows that area to be gone (likely was stool), and the fourth looks "normal". Evan will be treated as if he has NEC, no food, antibiotics, suctioning his stomach for 7-10 days. Alec showed some residual fluid in his stomach as well, and his feedings are reduced to 10 cc to monitor for NEC, as his brother had the signs plus blood in his stool.
Sept. 14, 2008 (Day 7)- Both boys are dressed in little outfits today. Mommy practices breastfeeding Alec today. He sleeps through it and doesn't have ANY interest. Evan develops the "pukies" and they slow his feedings down a bit.
Sept. 13, 2008 (Day 6)- Evan does great through the night and stays off of the C-Pap. They begin weaning Evan from the Oxygen. The boys' isolettes are moved into the same cubicle from two separate spaces. Mommy practices breastfeeding Evan. He shows minor curiosity. Neither of the boys is showing eating cues right now and are still tube fed every three hours.
Sept. 12, 2008 (Day 5)- Mommy is discharged from the hospital today (and cries all the way home). Evan is pulled off of C-Pap today! Evan is on a nasal canula with just a bit of oxygen. Alec is put into an outfit today.
Sept. 11, 2008 (Day 4)- Boys are tolerating their feeds well and NICU staff bumps their feeding amounts up each feeding. Olivia holds Alec for the first time. Mommy and Daddy do Kangaroo Care with the boys for the first time.
Sept. 10, 2008 (Day 3)- Daddy holds Evan for the first time. Olivia gets to touch the babies through the doors in the isolette and is THRILLED.
Sept. 9, 2008 (Day 2)- Alec is off C-Pap. Both boys started tube feeding today. Mommy holds Alec for the first time. Olivia meets her baby brothers wearing her big sister T-Shirt.
Sept. 8, 2008 (Day 1)- The boys are born via emergency C-Section. Both on C-Pap.