It's really crazy the mix of emotions that go along with this IVF process. Right now, I think what I feel most, is afraid. I am afraid for Friday to come and to go in for that Beta. Ridiculous, huh? I'm so scared to be excited. From excitement comes disappointment, and if there is one thing that I am used to in this process, it's disappointment. It's funny though how the mind works... It's almost as if my brain is trying to protect my heart. If anyone thinks that the anxiety around the beta will shelter me from potential disappointment they're so so so wrong. I may be trying very hard to put on a stone face, but how could I NOT still feel hopeful? How can I NOT hope and pray like hell that this worked?
The TRUTH is...I want this to work so badly it hurts. I pray each night for those little peanuts to burrow in and grow into happy, healthy babies. I talk to my uterus, to even WILL those little beans in there. But in the end, I *KNOW* that I'm invested. I *KNOW* that I will crumble inside if the results are not good.
Dear Lord, please let this work. Please bless or family. Please let this be your will.
Curt said it so perfectly when he said that next Friday can't come quickly enough, but at the same time, it's coming too quickly.
Oh and P.S. Curt has named the embryos Charlie and Lola. Hahhahahaha. He makes me laugh!
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1 comment:
charlie & lola....love that! praying for you everyday, becki. you have so many people rooting for you and those babies.
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