February 6, 2008

T minus two days. I am crazy scared. I so hope this worked!!! I am praying so so so hard.

So...Curt and I had a nice chittie chat last night. I (of course) bought a pregnancy test, but wouldn't you know it....the POAS (pee on a stick) queen is PETRIFIED to use it. For the FIRST time, I stand paralyzed with fear about taking a pregnancy test. I think that there is just so much more on the line this time. Yes, each and every month that I took one, got a negative, got my period, I was sad....even crushed at times. And even with my IUI cycle...BOY did I want it to work more then ever... But IVF...it is just such a HUGE step...almost like the 'end' of the road. To put your body through so much physically in two months, invest so much time going to ALL THOSE APPOINTMENTS, and invest so much emotionally. I feel more invested in this cycle than I ever have... It's just different. I think that is what makes me feel so different this time about actually USING the pregnancy test.

I talked with Curt about my inability to resist buying a test, and my complete fear to use it. I wondered what he thought...use it? Wait? Well...wouldn't you know it but my sweet boy came through ;) He told me to wait...just wait until Friday. He said that it still was a smidge early to take it, it's not as accurate as the blood test, and...this is the tear jerker...AND that he knows how crushed I'll be to get a negative. He said that I'd have to go through Today (Wed.) and tomorrrow (Thursday) crushed until I took the bloodtest, and would have to struggle to make it through the day. He is so right. He KNOWS me inside and out. He knows that I'd become a mopey lump of junk at work if the test WAS negative. He said that he knows I'll get the results either way on Friday, but that we can go through the results more together at that point. He said that I'd only have to get a couple more hours in at work and then we could come home and either mourn or CELEBRATE together. He's so right.

SO....no pregnancy tests for the POAS queen. Not a one. And I won't take one. It will sit there in that cupboard...

Friday....Friday....Friday.

The other ODD thing is how ridiculously BLOATED I am. I LOOK 3 months pregnant. If you KNOW me, you know I'm not one of those girls looking for every symptom to be a pregnancy symptom...I don't exaggerate "pregnancy" symptoms like some gals do real early, and others roll their eyes with ridiculousness...but the bloating : It's there. I am not sure if it's the meds or if it's a result of a little hyperstimulation...or what...but it's THERE. So weird. Ahhh well....whatchya gonna do?